Grief and Hair Grease: Finding Unexpected Ways to Connect with Mom

This weekend, I made a simple trip to the beauty supply store, but grief had other plans for me. I stopped by to grab my usual shampoo and conditioner—something I typically order online—but this time, I decided to intentionally go into the store.

Why? Because my mother and I loved doing this together.

Saturdays were our thing. We’d go to the big beauty supply stores, try on wigs just for fun, and admire their endless displays of chunky costume jewelry. My mother and I both loved bold, oversized pieces—the kind that made a statement the moment you walked into a room.

But as I walked through the aisles that day, something unexpected caught my eye: a jar of hair grease.

Now, that might sound insignificant, but to me, hair grease was an entire chapter of my childhood. My mom took pride in parting my hair into neat sections, warming the grease between her fingers, and massaging it into my scalp with care. She made sure to brush my hair until it shined, spreading the grease evenly—as if sealing in her love and protection.

I hadn’t bought hair grease in years. But in that moment, I was transported back to my mother’s hands, back to her presence, back to being mothered.

So, I bought the jar. Not because I needed it—but because I needed her.

When I got home, I stood in the mirror, parted my hair just like she used to, and applied the grease in the same way. And then it hit me—I was connecting with her.

I smiled. I cried. I laughed. I felt warmth.
It was beautiful.

It reminded me that our mothers don’t just live in memories—they live in moments. Everyday things can become sacred rituals of connection, if we let them.

How Do You Connect With Your Mom?

Grief is personal. No one can tell you how to connect with your mother. It’s up to you to discover what feels right, what brings her presence into your space in a way that’s healing, comforting, and deeply personal.

Here are some out-of-the-box ways to connect with your mother’s spirit:

Wear Her Signature Lipstick or Perfume – That shade of red she swore by? That floral scent that lingered after her hugs? Put it on and feel her with you.

Cook One of Her Recipes—Even If You Don’t Get It Quite Right – Whether it was a family dish or just the way she made a sandwich, recreating her meals can bring back those shared moments.

Listen to the Song That Instantly Takes You Back – That one song she played in the car or sang around the house? Blast it. Dance to it. Let yourself feel everything.

Write a Letter to Her – Tell her what’s been going on, what you miss, what made you laugh this week. Write as if she can read it—because maybe, in some way, she can.

Visit a Place That Was Special to Her – It could be her favorite park, a beach she loved, or even just the backyard where she used to sit and enjoy the breeze.

Buy Something She Would Have Loved—Just Because – Whether it’s a quirky trinket, a handbag, or even a jar of hair grease, picking up something she would have enjoyed can be an act of remembrance and connection.

Create Your Own Rituals—Because She’s Always With You ✨

Your Connection, Your Way

Grief is deeply personal. There’s no "right" way to keep your mother close—only the way that feels true to you.

For me, it was hair grease.
For you, it might be her favorite cup of tea.
A certain fabric. A specific TV show. A routine she never skipped.

Whatever it is, embrace it. Let yourself feel **everything—**the joy, the sadness, the nostalgia, the warmth. Because your mom is still with you, woven into the little things you might not have even noticed before.

And when you’re ready for more support on your grief journey, The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc. is here for you. We offer free resources, an online memorial wall, and a community of women who truly understand.

How do you connect with your mom? Drop a comment, share a story, or take a moment today to honor her in your own way. She’s always with you.

About Kinyatta E. Gray
Kinyatta E. Gray is an author, entrepreneur, and founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., a nonprofit that provides compassionate support to women who have lost their mothers. Since her mother’s passing, Kinyatta has turned her grief into a driving force, building a legacy that speaks to resilience, purpose, and healing. She has published several books, launched a successful nonprofit, and created programs that help others navigate the path of loss.