Navigating Grief Without an Army of Friends
After losing my mother in 2018, I had no idea what the road ahead on my grief journey would look like. One thing I mistakenly believed was that the same people who called constantly while she was dying, who appeared at the hospital as she took her last breath, and who clamored to participate in her funeral service, would have that same energy once all the formalities had ended.
Boy, was I wrong.
The issue is complicated. My mother and I were so close that we shared many of the same “friends.” Our social circles overlapped—many of her friends were tied to the church she attended for decades. My mother was always the common denominator.
When my mother died, the connections I had to her friends died too, leaving me essentially alone on my grief journey.
And then there was this weird intersection of homophobia that entered the equation. Many of my mother’s “friends” were vehemently against my sexual orientation and my marriage to Julie, the most loving and supportive spouse I could ever ask for. Once my mother was gone, so was their obligation to endure having anything to do with me.
Then there were the people I had relationships with outside of my mother. I’ll never fully understand their sharp exits either—maybe they didn’t know what to say or how to support me. Regardless of the reasons, their absence hurt.
The Myth of “Surrounding Yourself with Friends”
So, when I hear people say, “Surround yourself with friends when you’re grieving,” I cringe. Not everyone has an army of friends to rely on—hello, I’m one of those people.
My mother was my best friend and wore so many hats in my life that losing her felt like losing seven people rolled into one. For the first few years after her passing, my Julie was my only consistent support. Sure, there were a few occasional phone calls and texts from people trying to help, and I will never underestimate the effort of those few. But the reality is, I had to figure out how to navigate grief alone.
Lessons Learned in Six Years of Grief
It’s been six years since my mom’s death, and I’ve learned so much about grief, navigating it without a strong support network, and finding resilience within myself.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer for how to survive it. What works for one person might not work for another. For those who don’t have an army of friends rallying around them, here’s the hard truth: having that kind of support is a luxury—a wish list item, not a guaranteed reality.
Yes, grief is lonely. But it’s even lonelier for those who don’t have a built-in support system. Instead of advising people to “surround themselves with friends,” we need to give them tools to navigate grief independently.
5 Tips for Navigating Grief When You Don’t Have Friends to Lean On
Educate Yourself About Grief
Learn what grief is, how it manifests, and the ways it can affect your mental, emotional, and physical health. Understanding the process can be empowering and validating.
Develop a Self-Care Routine
Find rituals that bring you comfort, whether it’s journaling, meditating, walking, or cooking your favorite meals. Self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity.
Seek Out Resources
Look for grief support groups, virtual communities, or organizations like The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., which offers programs like the Help Texts subscription and resources like grief journals and educational videos.
Find Meaningful Ways to Honor Your Loved One
Honoring your loved one’s legacy can be a powerful tool for healing. Whether it’s writing and publishing books, planting memorial trees, or participating in acts of service in their name, these gestures keep their memory alive and give you purpose. These actions were instrumental in my own healing journey after my mom’s passing.
Practice Self-Compassion
Grieving without a support network is hard. Acknowledge your resilience and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
Reflection Questions
Who or what has been your anchor during your grief journey?
What’s one thing you’ve learned about yourself since your loss?
How can you show yourself kindness and patience today?
Resources from The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc.
Help Texts Subscription: Receive daily messages of comfort and support tailored to those grieving.
Free Printable Grief Journal: A guided space to reflect on your emotions and progress.
Video Library: Educational and inspirational content to help you understand and navigate your grief.
A Hopeful Ending
Grief is a long, winding road, and for those of us walking it without a crowd cheering us on, the journey can feel overwhelming. But here’s what I’ve come to believe: your strength is your superpower. Every step you take, no matter how small, is a testament to your resilience and ability to carry on.
As you move through your grief, remember this: “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Let that love guide you, heal you, and remind you that even in the hardest moments, you are never truly alone.
With love,
Kinyatta Gray
Founder, The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc.About Kinyatta E. Gray
Kinyatta E. Gray is an author, entrepreneur, and founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., a nonprofit that provides compassionate support to women who have lost their mothers. Since her mother’s passing, Kinyatta has turned her grief into a driving force, building a legacy that speaks to resilience, purpose, and healing. She has published several books, launched a successful nonprofit, and created programs that help others navigate the path of loss.