Nurturing Your Heart on Mother's Day: Honoring Your Mom Amidst Friends Who've Lost Theirs

Mother's Day is a time to celebrate and honor the incredible women who have shaped our lives. However, when a friend loses their mom, it can create a complex mix of emotions. One of the questions I'm frequently asked is how it feels not to have your mom on Mother's Day.

In early grief, it was unbearable, and I could not come to terms with it. I wanted to avoid Mother's Day and fast-track to the Monday after as if there was no such thing as Mother's Day. As time moved forward, I learned to cope with my grief, and as my relationship with my mom strengthened in the spiritual sense, I now embrace and look forward to Mother's Day. I look forward to honoring what I shared with Mom physically and growing what we share now in the spiritual. She is my ultimate protector and my ultimate guide in life, as the lessons I learned from her still reside within my heart. I celebrate my mom, and I honor her. I'm also able to celebrate with women whose mothers are living.

Everyone's grief journey will be different, and there's no right or wrong way to handle your emotions surrounding Mother's Day. You will come to terms with your loss in your way, in your own time, and you will figure out how to honor what once was with your mom, without feeling awkward around those who honor their moms who are living.

This sensitive blog explores ways to celebrate Mother's Day without feeling guilty, honoring your mother, and supporting your friend.

1. Validate Your Emotions:

It's important to acknowledge and validate your joy and happiness at having your mom in your life while also feeling empathy for your friend's loss. Recognize that it's natural to experience conflicting emotions during this time.

2. Communicate Openly:

Have an open and compassionate conversation with your friend about Mother's Day. Let them know that you understand the pain they are going through and express your desire to support them during this difficult time. Please encourage them to share their feelings and needs.

3. Be Mindful and Sensitive:

While celebrating your mother, be mindful of your friend's grief. Offer them understanding and space if they need it. Avoid excessive talk about your Mother's Day plans, but don't feel guilty for acknowledging your experiences and emotions.

4. Include Them in Your Plans:

If your friend feels comfortable, invite them to your Mother's Day activities. This gesture can provide them with a sense of inclusion and support. However, respect their decision if they choose to decline.

5. Show Empathy and Support:

Acknowledge your friend's loss to demonstrate empathy and support. Send them a heartfelt message or a small gesture that lets them know you are thinking of them. Offer a listening ear if they want to talk, and be present during this challenging time.

6. Honor Their Mother's Memory:

Encourage your friend to find ways to honor their mother's memory on Mother's Day. Help them brainstorm ideas or offer suggestions if they're open to it. This could involve visiting their mother's favorite place, creating a memory box, or engaging in activities celebrating her life.

7. Practice Self-Reflection:

Reflect on your gratitude for having your mother in your life. Embrace this opportunity to strengthen your bond with her and express your love and appreciation. Remember, cherishing your relationship does not diminish your empathy for your friend.

Finding a balance between celebrating your mother and supporting a friend who has experienced loss can be challenging. However, by communicating openly, showing empathy, and being sensitive to their needs, you can navigate Mother's Day with compassion and understanding. Remember, honoring your mother and supporting your friend can coexist, allowing you to nurture your heart and cultivate meaningful connections during this bittersweet time.

Kinyatta E. Gray writes about grief and loss, and is the founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc, Flights In Stilettos, and InHer Bliss Life Coaching. Gray has design and released over 20 guided and blank journals for women, teens and men.

Kinyatta Gray pictured with her mother, Beverly E. Carroll

Beverly E. Carroll (1958-2018)