Surviving Motherless Mother's Day
Growing up I enjoyed celebrating Mother's Day. I loved making my mom homemade cards, fixing her a child-made breakfast early in the mornings, and scraping up allowance money to buy my mom something I knew she'd appreciate.
Those were the good old days that I thought would last forever.
As an adult, Mother's Day held the same place in my heart, except now I too was a mother and found myself being celebrated. It was hard to choose whether or not I'd spend Mother's Day with my mom, Julie's mom, or spend that time with just my children. Instead, we made Mother's Day a family ordeal - no one had to choose. We all loved-up on each other every Mother's Day.
My momma's gifts elevated to more lavish gifts over time. I enjoyed spoiling her because she was always so very appreciative of everything Julie and I did for her and never asked for anything.
We'd always ask my momma how she wanted to spend Mother's Day and often she'd say she'd be content eating crabs and drinking beer for Mother's Day, as long as she was with us. Of course, we'd always do more for the Queen.
We'd eat her favorite meal together as a family and she'd receive her very own lavish gifts.
When my mom passed away in 2018, the year of 2019 was sadly going to be the year of "firsts".
It would be the first year we celebrated birthdays, holidays and, Mother's Day without my mom.
I didn't think I was going to make it and suicidal ideation was very much apart of my daily life in 2019.
Her death caused me to become "unmothered" and I didn't quite know how to handle it. I went to my mom for everything and she was no longer there for me to rely on.
After praying to the Light (God) for wisdom, help and understanding it was only then that I realized that it was time for me to rely on all of the wisdom, knowledge, education, guidance and love she had poured into my life for the last 42 years.
I had to constantly remind myself that I was fortunate to have had the kind of mother who loved me so deeply and so tenderly all of my life.
I had to remind myself to be grateful for the time I had with her because it most likely will always be more than time spent without her.
As I think about the state of our current times and the way that this killer disease COVID-19 has destroyed families and has changed the way that people give their final salute's to their loved ones, my heart goes out to those who have lost their mothers, fathers and other loved ones during this time.
COVID-19 has robbed many of properly being able to be by their loved ones' sides in their final moments and is robbing family and friends of the opportunities to say their final farewells.
This is an immeasurable pain that my heart surely could not have endured. But here we are and I have friends who have to endure.
I pray that you feel the everlasting love of your departed loved and that in time you will come to accept their spiritual presence and guidance in your life.
While I lack the physical presence of my mother on Mother's Day, her spiritual presence exists. Her spiritual presence is strong and all-encompassing. Her love is as strong as it has ever been and is still surrounding me in the atmosphere. Her spirit is protecting me and my family from all hurt harm and danger.
So, how do I survive Motherless Mother's Day?
I spend that time remembering all that she was and all that she did and the impact that she will forever have on my life and the life of my family members.
I acknowledge that she existed and was the best mother I could have ever been assigned.
I do not ignore her spirit, I call her into my space to comfort me.
I wear things that are meaningful to me, like my famous bumble bee charm necklace, and I read the books that I wrote to honor her legacy.
I visit her final resting place and lay my head at her tombstone.
I celebrate and show love to other women in my life who are mothers on Mother's Day.
I don't hold back and deny myself of my feelings -- Yes, I miss my mom. Yes, I wish she were here.
However, no amount of wishing is going to change my reality. I learn to accept that more and more each day.
Therefore, I deal with what's true and what's real, and I am grateful for all of the wonderful times and memories I was blessed to have created with her -- because as I said before, it has and always will be a fact that I spent more time on earth with my mother than I ever will have to, without her.
Until our spirits are reunited on the astral plane, I will forever love you mommy and I wish you the very best Heavenly Happy Mother's Day.
Kinyatta E. Gray is a best-selling author who wrote and released her first book in October 2019 about the loss of her mother. Kinyatta's goal is to spread awareness about grief and loss, following one's inner voice and sharing messages of love, peace, hope, and light.
Website: kinyattagray.com
Instagram: @kinyattagraytheauthor
We Love You Mommy! Love, Kinyatta, Julie, Domo, Emily, Diamond, Kiel & Karter