Surviving Your First Mother's Day Without Your Mother (What it's Really Like & What You Can Do)

Surviving Your First Mother's Day Without Your Mother (What It's Really Like & What You Can Do)

I have been where you are, and maybe similarly to you, I thought I wasn't going to be able to face the first Mother's Day after Mom died. I hated the build-up to Mother's Day all around me and the bone-crushing thought of not celebrating with my Mom.

I never imagined not buying her a lavish gift, sending her flowers and chocolate-covered strawberries to her job, and gathering with her for our lovely high-end brunches. I also had to remember that I was a mother and that my kids wanted to celebrate with me. I didn't care. It didn't feel right to celebrate without my Mom.

The first year was rough; the second year, my mind took this posture of "I can't believe this shit is still real." I couldn't believe I survived another Mother's Day, and she was not here. But I had to find a way to live for my remaining family and find a way to honor my beloved mother's spirit.

By the third Mother's Day, I'd shown signs of improvement and a general state of knowing this was indeed my real fucking life. I share this with you because it will be challenging and work. I'm not going to wrap this shit up in a nice bow and tell you what you want to hear. Yes, it will hurt. Yes, it will feel like your worst nightmare. Yes, you will survive it.

Five years later, I have learned to cope with the beauty of Mother's Day.

I look forward to seeing others celebrate and honor their Moms. I had that; what they're doing is something I have experienced for over 43 consecutive loving years with my mom.

Currently, I celebrate my Mom, too, unapologetically. Her spirit is genuine, big, all encompassing and is still here. For these reasons alone, I have found solace and have learned to cope with Mother's Day. You will too.

Let's explore a few ways to help you navigate your 1st Mother's Day without Mom.

Mother's Day can be an emotionally challenging time for those who have lost their mothers. The absence of their comforting presence can intensify feelings of grief and longing.

This heartfelt blog explores the journey of surviving your first Mother's Day without your mother and offers seven meaningful ways to find peace and honor her memory.

Acknowledge Your Emotions:

Allow yourself to feel the range of emotions that may arise during this time. It's natural to experience sadness, longing, and even anger. Acknowledging these emotions is the first step towards healing. Be okay with declining outings. Some people will try to include you in their Mother's Day plans. If you're not up to it, say that. It's okay. Step away and gather yourself if you want to participate and feel overwhelmed. If you need to leave early, that's okay too.

Connect with Loved Ones:

Contact compassionate and emotionally available family members, friends, or unique niche support groups, like the Healing Hearts Grief and Social Club, that can empathize with your experience. Sharing your feelings with others who have experienced a similar loss can provide comfort and a sense of belonging.

Reflect and Remember:

Take time to reflect on the cherished memories you shared with your mother. Look through old photographs, revisit letters or cards, and reminisce about the moments that made her presence special. If you're comfortable doing so, take a trip to her burial place and refresh her bouquet. Celebrate her life and the impact she had on you.

Create New Traditions:

Consider starting new traditions to honor your mother's memory on Mother's Day. These could involve visiting her favorite place, cooking her favorite meal, or engaging in activities she loves. You can keep her memory alive by incorporating her spirit into these new traditions.

Express Your Feelings:

Finding an outlet for your emotions can be incredibly therapeutic. Write a heartfelt letter to your mother, expressing your thoughts and feelings. You may also journal, create artwork, plant a beautiful tree and tend to it, or dedicate a poem to her. These creative expressions can help you process your grief.

Self-Care and Self-Compassion:

Prioritize self-care during this sensitive time. Engage in activities that bring you comfort and peace. These could include jogging in nature, practicing meditation or yoga, going on a spa date, listening to soothing music, burning candles, binge-watching inspiring movies, rollerskating, or indulging in a bath infused with healing crystals. Remember to be gentle with yourself and practice self-compassion.

Seek Professional Support:

If you struggle to cope with the overwhelming emotions surrounding Mother's Day, consider seeking professional help. Remember that everyone experiences grief differently; you are normal. That said, sometimes, we need support getting our footing and sorting out our thoughts and emotions. Grief counseling or therapy can provide a safe space for you to process your feelings and receive guidance on navigating this challenging period.

As you embark on your first Mother's Day without your mother, remember that healing takes time, and everyone's journey is unique. Honoring your emotions, cherishing her memory, and practicing self-care can help you find solace and strength during this difficult time.

Take comfort in knowing that your mother's love will always be with you in the atmosphere, guiding you through life's milestones, even on this special day.

Kinyatta E. Gray writes about grief and loss, and is the founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc, Flights In Stilettos, and InHer Bliss Life Coaching. Gray has design and released over 20 guided and blank journals for women, teens and men.

Kinyatta and her Beloved Mother Beverly E. Carroll (1958-2018)