When the "Missing Mom" Memes and Quotes No Longer Provided Comfort On My Grief Journey

At some point during my grief journey, I no longer wanted to only see "missing mom" memes and quotes. While these messages initially provided a sense of comfort and validation, I realized they weren't helping me move forward. I needed more than just reminders of my loss; I needed ways to live productively without my mom's presence.

Since God allowed me to survive the loss of my mom, I felt compelled to learn to live with it in a way that honored her memory and allowed me to find a new normal. This may not be everyone's experience—some people find great solace in memes and quotes—but I needed more to rearrange my life and live productively without my mom's presence.

Here’s how I did that:

1. Writing and Releasing Books: I poured my emotions into writing. By articulating the profound feelings after losing my mother, I was able to process my grief and help others who might be feeling the same way. Writing became a therapeutic outlet and a way to connect with others on a similar journey.

2. Removing Unsupportive People: I made the difficult decision to distance myself from those who were not supportive of my grief journey. This act in and of itself created more grief, but it was essential for my mental health. Surrounding myself with understanding and compassionate individuals was crucial for my healing process.

3. Founding a Non-Profit Organization: I started a non-profit, The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc. for grieving women, creating a community where we could support one another and share our experiences. This gave me a sense of mission and connection and a way to continually honor my mom. The community we built together has been a source of strength and comfort for all involved.

4. Learning to Coach: I trained to become a grief coach, helping others navigate their own grief journeys. This work is incredibly rewarding and allows me to use my experiences to assist others in finding their path forward. Helping others has been a powerful way to heal myself.

5. Studying Grief: I studied under world-renowned grief experts to deepen my understanding of grief. This education helped me relate what I learned to my lived experiences, making me a more effective coach and empathetic human being. Knowledge has been a key part of my healing process, allowing me to better support others.

For those on a similar path, finding the right grief support group can make all the difference.

Here are six suggestions for what to look for in a grief support group:

1. Compassionate Leadership: Look for a group led by an individual (s) who are not only knowledgeable but also empathetic and compassionate. Their understanding and kindness can create a safe space for you to share and heal.

2. Shared Experiences: Find a group where members have similar experiences. Whether it's the loss of a parent, child, spouse, or friend, connecting with others who understand your specific type of loss can be incredibly validating.

3. Supportive Community: Ensure the group fosters a supportive and non-judgmental environment. Members should encourage and uplift each other rather than compete over who has suffered more.

4. Flexible Structure: Choose a group that offers a balance of structure and flexibility. While some organization is necessary, the group should also allow for open sharing and spontaneous discussions.

5. Focus on Healing and Growth: Look for a group that not only acknowledges grief but also emphasizes healing and personal growth. Activities, discussions, and resources should aim to help members find a way to live fully again.

6. Accessible Resources: Ensure the group provides a variety of resources, such as books, workshops, and expert talks, to help members understand and navigate their grief. These resources can provide valuable insights and coping strategies.

Remember, the right grief support group can be a lifeline during a challenging time. By finding a group that meets your needs, you can gain the strength and support necessary to move forward in your grief journey. Together, we can honor our loved ones and find a new path forward.

Let's honor our loved ones by finding new ways to live fully, support one another, and embrace the journey of healing together.

I'd love to hear from you if you found this article helpful. I can be reached by email at: kinyatta@honoringmissbee.org.

Kinyatta E. Gray is a Certified Master Coach, Grief Educator, Author, and Founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc. Gray writes about grief and loss for women grieving the loss of their mothers. The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc. exists to honor the memory of the late Beverly E. Carroll, Kinyatta's Mother.