6 Tips on Navigating the First Thanksgiving Without Mom

The first Thanksgiving without my Mom was a day I had been dreading since her passing. Thanksgiving was approximately two months after her passing five years ago. I didn't think I would make it. My Mom was such a big part of our family traditions. Not only did she help plan the menu, but she also cooked most of the beloved dishes. She brought a great sense of humor, warmth, and love and always made it a point to visit everyone she considered family on Thanksgiving. She never wanted anyone to feel left out.

The thought of her absence at the dinner table, her laughter missing from our conversations, and her love absent from our gathering was a painful reality I wasn't ready to face. But as the day approached, I realized it was an opportunity to honor her memory and keep her spirit alive.

Here's how I survived my first Thanksgiving without my Mom.

1. Acknowledge the Pain

The first step in surviving the first Thanksgiving without Mom was acknowledging the pain. It's okay to feel sad, to miss her, and to grieve. It's okay to cry and express your feelings. It's a part of the healing process. I allowed myself to feel the pain, to remember her, and to miss her. It was hard, but it was necessary.

2. Surround Yourself with Loved Ones

One of the things that helped me the most was being surrounded by loved ones. My spouse, children, and grandson were my rock during this difficult time. They understood my pain, they shared my grief, and they were there to support me. We shared stories about Mom, we laughed, we cried, and we remembered her together. It was comforting to know that I was not alone in my grief.

3. Honor Her Memory

We decided to honor Mom's memory during our Thanksgiving dinner. We refreshed her flowers at her final resting place with festive fall colors. We set a place for her at the table, we shared our favorite memories of her, and we cooked her favorite dishes. It was a way for us to feel her presence and to keep her spirit alive. It was a beautiful tribute to her, making us feel closer to her.

4. Start New Traditions

One of the things that helped me cope with Mom's absence was starting new traditions. We decided to adopt a family in need for Thanksgiving, something Mom would have wanted to do. It was a way for us to give back to the community and to honor her generous spirit. It was a new tradition that brought us joy and comfort.

5. Take Care of Yourself

It's essential to take care of yourself during this difficult time. Make sure to eat well, get enough sleep, and take time for yourself. It's okay to take a break from the festivities if necessary. It's okay to say no to certain activities if they are too painful. Listen to your body and your emotions, and do what feels right for you.

6. Seek Support

If you find it hard to cope, don't hesitate to seek support. Talk to a counselor or a therapist, join a support group, like The Grief Club, or reach out to a trusted friend or family member. You don't have to go through this alone. There are people who can help you navigate your grief and help you find ways to cope.

Surviving the first Thanksgiving without Mom was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. But by acknowledging my pain, surrounding myself with loved ones, honoring her memory, starting new traditions, taking care of myself, and seeking support, I was able to get through it.

It wasn't easy, but it was a step towards healing. And I know that Mom would be proud.

Kinyatta E. Gray founded The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., a non-profit organization that helps women understand grief and how to cope with grief through tools such as journaling. Gray is also a certified life coach and the founder of InHer Bliss Life Coaching, which offers grief support and coaching for women.