Navigating Thanksgiving with Absent Parents Who Suddenly Appear for the Holidays

Thanksgiving is a time for family, gratitude, and togetherness. However, for some, it can also be a time of stress and anxiety, especially when dealing with absent parents who suddenly decide to show up. It is challenging to figure out how to handle the influx of emotions when facing an absent parent. On one hand, you may be secretly happy to catch a glimpse of them and feel something resembling love. On the other hand, you may feel frustrated by their presence because you know it's temporary, and after the holidays, they will disappear into the night again. And then, there's a 3rd emotionally charged scenario to consider - the absent parent may have been missing in your life but suddenly emerges as a doting, loving parent with a whole new family. So, what do you do? There are no easy answers to this complicated issue.

Here are some tips on how to handle this delicate situation.

1. Prepare Yourself Mentally: The first step is mentally preparing yourself for their arrival. This can be a challenging task, mainly if their absence has caused you pain or trauma. It's important to remember that you have the right to feel whatever emotions come up. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to process them. Don't you dare retreat as if YOU'RE not supposed to be there. Be present with yourself and the remaining family members who love you.

2. Set Boundaries: Establishing boundaries with your absent parents is crucial. This could mean limiting the topics of conversation, the amount of time spent together, or the activities you engage in. Remember, saying no and protecting your emotional well-being is okay.

3. Seek Support: Reach out to other family members, friends, or a mental health professional for support. They can provide you with advice, comfort, and a listening ear. You don't have to go through this alone.

4. Practice Self-Care: Remember to take care of yourself amid the chaos. This could mean relaxing, engaging in enjoyable activities, or practicing mindfulness. Self-care is essential in maintaining your emotional health.

5. Communicate Openly: If you feel comfortable, express your feelings to your absent parents. They may not fully understand the impact of their absence, and sharing your feelings can provide a sense of closure or understanding. Be careful because you may not receive the feedback or acknowledgment you expect from the absent parent. This release of words and expressions is for you and your emotional well-being.

6. Forgive, But Don't Forget: Forgiveness is a personal decision, and forgiving your parents is entirely up to you. However, forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting the pain they caused. It's about letting go of the resentment and anger for your peace of mind. And remember, extending grace to the absent parent is forgiveness and allowing them back in your life with boundaries. But all of this is up to you and you alone.

7. Remember, You're in Control: Ultimately, you have control over how you react and how much you let this situation affect you. You can choose to engage with your parents, or you can choose to distance yourself. Either decision is okay, as long as it's what's best for you.

Dealing with absent parents who suddenly appear on Thanksgiving can be challenging, but remember, you're not alone. Refrain from allowing the experience of the absent parent emergence to ruin your holidays. Reach out for support, set boundaries, and take care of yourself.

This Thanksgiving, prioritize your mental and emotional health above all else.

Kinyatta E. Gray is the founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc., a non-profit organization that helps women understand grief and how to cope with grief through tools such as journaling. Gray is also a Certified Life Coach and the founder of Inher Bliss Life Coaching, which also focuses on helping women to navigate grief, and working toward personal growth and development.