It's Not OK to Be "Neutral" When People Are Hurting: The Cost of Neutrality

In toxic situations (families, or clique-based “friendships” for example), it can be tempting to retreat into neutrality, especially when the issues at hand are complex and emotionally charged. However, when we know the other side is hurting, remaining neutral can be more harmful than we realize.

Neutrality, in its essence, is the absence of taking sides. It is a state of not supporting or helping either side in a conflict or disagreement. While neutrality can sometimes be a safe stance, it can also be a silent endorsement of the status quo, even when the status quo is causing harm.

When we choose to remain neutral in the face of injustice, we indirectly support the oppressor, not the oppressed. Nobel laureate and human rights activist Desmond Tutu once said, "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."

Neutrality can also be a form of privilege. It is a luxury to distance oneself from issues that do not directly affect us. However, this detachment can perpetuate systems of oppression and inequality.

By choosing not to engage, we allow harmful practices to continue unchallenged.

Moreover, neutrality can hinder empathy and understanding. When we choose to remain neutral, we miss out on the opportunity to understand the experiences and perspectives of hurting people. This lack of knowledge can further widen the divide and exacerbate the harm, especially within families.

So, what can we do instead of remaining neutral?

Firstly, we can educate ourselves. We can seek information from diverse perspectives to understand the issues better.

Secondly, we can use our voices to speak up against injustice. This doesn't mean we have to have all the answers or that we have to engage in every debate. But it does mean using our platforms, however big or small, to raise awareness and advocate for change.

Lastly, we can listen. We can listen to hurting people, validate their experiences, and show them they are not alone.

In conclusion, while neutrality may seem like a safe or comfortable choice, it can have damaging consequences. We can contribute to a more empathetic, understanding, and just world by engaging rather than remaining neutral.

Healed Girl. Whole Girl. Healthy Girl.

Kinyatta E. Gray is a Certified Life Coach at Inher Bliss Life Coaching, and is the Founder of The Heart of Miss Bee, Inc. Gray blogs about grief, loss, mother/daughter relationships, emotional healing and self-care.