Making The Most Out of Your Visit to the Gravesite by Kinyatta E. Gray
Today I visited my mom's final resting place alone. Something I've never done because my spouse always wanted to be there for support. I appreciated that; however, at the same time, I didn't quite feel like I was letting my hair down. After all, when my mom was living, Ju would gladly exit the room so that my mom and I could spend time laughing and chatting away for hours! Ju loved that time I shared with my mom because it allowed her space to watch her favorite Asian movies interruption-free for hours! LOL.
Today was different. I stopped by the store and packed lunch and iced tea. I knew what I wanted to share with my mom in spirit, and I knew I had planned to be there for a while. Today was unusually warm and sunny, so it was the perfect day to enjoy this time alone in the beautiful picturesque cemetery.
I took my time driving to the location of her resting place, taking in the scenery that I never noticed before. To my surprise, there were quite a few people in this rather large cemetery visiting their loved ones.
The first car I rode past, I saw a woman sitting in her car crying. The next person I saw was squatting next to a burial site. Then I noticed a groundskeeper driving by on lawn equipment, and then I saw an older woman and a man visiting a burial site. I finally arrived at my mom's resting place. I felt sad and excited at the same time. Sad because I miss her, happy because I was with her. I observed that the grass was cut nice and neat, and her plaque was as pristine as ever. I also noticed there were no flowers, balloons, or anything. It was the day after the 2nd anniversary of her passing. I felt several different emotions, but ultimately I was glad that I was there with all of those things and more. I didn't want to cry, but I did. I sat down and added the flowers to the vase, I clipped the balloons to the vase, and I set up my little lunch.
I noticed a man walking around aimlessly; he, too, was looking for his mom, brother, and uncle, who were all dead. He found them -- not too far from my mom.
I pulled out my phone and played some music, and enjoyed the sun while glancing at my mom's plaque and going down the list of things I wanted to say.
That's when the idea for this blog popped into my head. I observed so many different things that I decided to share how to make the best out of your visit to your loved one's burial site.
Mood - Notice your mood when traveling to the burial site. Are you depressed, are you seeking comfort via a spiritual connection, are you angry, or are you seeking spiritual rejuvenation?
Company - Are you visiting alone? Are you visiting with a spouse, siblings, or children? If it's your 1st time visiting your departed loved one since the funeral, you may consider taking the first trip with a supportive person.
Chair - If you plan to visit for a while, bring a portable chair --something nice a small, yet comfy, but not overly obnoxious that your chair is disturbing the burial sites of others.
Flowers - Consider bringing both fresh flowers and artificial flowers. We know that the real flowers will wilt and die, but at least the burial site can stay pretty in-between visits with the artificial flowers.
Colorful decor - Sometimes, it may be hard to remember exactly where the burial site is on the first few visits. Consider bright weather element proof burial site decoration that you can quickly identify when you visit.
Activities - If your loved one enjoyed reading, consider reading a few pages out of a book; if they loved music, play a few of their favorite songs or your mutual favorite songs.
Snacks - If you plan on being there for a while, bring your favorite snacks. Heck, bring champagne too, drink responsibly, but be in the moment doing the things you would do if your loved one were alive.
Observe - Take a look at the burial sites to the right and the left. Say a silent prayer for their families.
Sunshades - Bring sunshades; you may want to lay back and look up at the sky from time to time to connect with your loved one's spirit.
Updates - You must come with family updates! Your loved one's spirit probably has a good idea of what is going on, but it's still fun to share the latest news!
Brush - Bring a small brush to remove the dirt and debris from the burial plaque.
Cloths - Bring a cloth so that you can gently wipe your loved one's burial site and make it shine like new money.
Reflect - Spend time being in the moment. Notice who's around, notice the weather, notice the grass, the trees, the sun, notice everything about where your loved one's remains will stay for all of eternity.
Commit - Commit to returning regularly and observe your mood. Eventually, I hope you will feel a sense of connection, love & light during and after your visit.
Kinyatta E. Gray is a published author x 5 books. Kinyatta is not a mental health professional and is sharing these tips based on her personal experiences. If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, contact a mental health professional immediately.
Website: Honoringmissbee.com
Instagram: @kinyattagraytheauthor
